It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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