Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
