So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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