so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
