no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
