Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come share oat with me in your robe
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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