ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
