my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
