In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
