so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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