So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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