I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
