She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
