Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
