She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
