I wish i was in the wii world.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
