so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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