nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
