dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
