well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
