he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
