You're my little dorito
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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