running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
