Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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