"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
