I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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