It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
