Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
