The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
