If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
