I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
