I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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