i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
