Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
