I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
