The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
