hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
