I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
