I've blown a few things in my day
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You have to summon your inner elephant
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
