Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
