I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
