do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
