Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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