He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
