well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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