It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
