I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
