i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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