I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
