I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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