Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
