And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
