I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
