I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
